She has got a lie to tell!

She has got a lie to tell!

As a reader,

The finest thing you can do,

Is to sense her,

And also the nastiest thing is,

To sense her.

For her secrets are not,

As prosaic as they seem;

So keep pretending only,

That you know nothing,

About her blithe-eyed lie,

And let arrive the time,

When she would die,

With what she was born,

Underneath her long flowing gown,

With corsage tucked above —

A mound of mysterious words,

Some thorny scarlet roses,

And a sleeping hound!

My Panacea!

My Panacea!

Chisel out,
A very little of you,
I solicit, 
To let me cradle it,
In me,
As if my heart is a womb.
And,
Like an endless reprieve, 
From thousand miseries, 
I'll carry it,
Unto my grave,
To repose,
With you,
Still inside me!

What a happy woman,
I shall be …

DESIRES

DESIRES

I have,
A black hole,
Inside me,
Growing,
With every blow,
Coming from the closest,
I know.

Shrunk and distorted, 
Empty from outside,
I have innards,
But not me,
As a whole!

Won't you now,
Absorb my chaotic void,
O' dark pit, 
As my heart, body,
And my soul?

I crave for pain,
I long for peace,
Love me,
Kill me,
I have always been only yours!

I had this habit of …

I had this habit of …

Picking up,

Dried twigs,

Fallen flowers,

To-be-seeds,

Orange leaves,

Caressing my way!

I squirreled them away,

In the silent pockets,

Of my florid purse,

To show you,

(may be) someday!

And make you,

Look at the life,

(from my eyes),

I recollected,

Every time,

While walking up to you!

But I never could upend,

The unseen pockets of my purse!

For you had already,

Numberless sights,

Filling your eyes,

In succulent ways.

I was afraid!

To bemuse you,

Or even evoke a cold stare;

And thus, I became,

‘Collector of Unwed Recollections’,

Overtime! 

Writings!!

~ Besakoon hoon, pashemaan aur fik'rmand bhi hoon;
Khaalis ye adaawat thi... milaawat kisne kab kar di!

Pashemaan - In regret / repentance
Adaawat - Hostility / Bitterness / Resentment ~

~ Aapka pata, kaafi arsa hua,
Ab dard ke jaanib se milta hai! ~

~ Her eyes, they say,
Do hide,
A thousand unspoken stories.

Her stories, they stray,
And chide,
The whimsy narrative vagaries.

Her vagaries, they lay,
To deride,
A lost-in-crowd child's muted cries.

Her cries, they hay,
To bide,
By the pyre, as one stranger dies.

And die with those silent eyes,
Of the lost child,
A thousand unspoken stories... ~

~ Imli ki phalliyon pe,
Tu kitna lada tha...
Yaad hai tujhe?
Ek kachhi um'r pehle.

Bootiyan ambiya ki,
Borr se ladhi hain,
Aangan mein mere,
Ek baar phir se...

Bahaanon ki koi gaadi pakad ke,
Iss saal toh aaja;
Lade kisi se,
Ek arsa hua hai... ~

~ Resuscitating a past long dead,

His silence crawled up my nape,

Eaten were my jagged breaths,

Mouth to mouth,

We talked between the rooms. ~

~ Of what we’ve left behind,

A spring in the dale,

Summer nights,

Waxy warmth from a distant bonfire,

And of cinders that may never burn,

Fixed under one perennial gaze, yes,

We talked between the rooms. ~

~ Travesty of love,

Macabre to the extent,

Guillotine stood tall,

And so lurid red,

After beheading the ones,

Who kissed!

Who kissed?

We talked between the rooms. ~

~ Delved in an abyss,

And floated just above the spumes;

Filling each other’s heart and hands,

We talked between the rooms. ~

~ Vaadon ko unn teen sitaaron par tika ke,

Aa saath mere, tujhe khawaab dila doon! ~

~ Rakh le tu, ye falak, zameen, ye sitaare sabhi,
Phir jo khawaab mein aayega, wo mera hoga! ~

~ Kachhi mitti ki surahii,
Ke gardan mein latki,
Thandak se... sikurhi,
Lal neele rangon wali,
Woh baareek, gunthi dori...

Sondhe se har ubaal,
Aur rangon ke sawaal,
Mein kaisi uljhi... murjhayi si,
Surahii ke khushk hone ka intezaar,
Bhari dopaharii kiya karti thi...

Kambakh't,
Nasamajh rang apne sang,
Ek roz... intezaar bhi le ude. ~

~ Main aise bikhroon... ke waise bikhroon;
Teri raza bata, aur kaise kaise bikhroon!

In this way, shall I scatter, or that way,

Bestrewn be I—endlessly—on your say! ~

~ Vaadon ki nakaam majlis mein,
Hum tum bhi hue they ajnabee!~

~ Reversed & rehearsed,

She has become,
One of those ‘Shlokaas’,
Of Sanskrit.

Absolute,
In her passionate,
Rendition,
Affection and,
Ceaseless refraction!

Yet her imminence,
Her good presence,
Goes unabashedly, unobserved!

Was she ever, ever read? ~ 

~ An inhibiting glare;
They so waylay,
Intercepting,
My wayward way.

They ask,
Why I never stayed,
For my trite luggage,
Until now have strayed.

"A carnival,
This place, is derailed,"
And nimbly I say, "a wayfarer,
Has no baggage entailed."

They niggle,
And being so hellbent,
Meddling with MY toggle,
Fasten me against a fancy tent.

Ha!
They think! They really think!
Contriving already an escape,
Wayfarer must be gone... in a blink!

Just in a blink... ~

~ Doth not mistaken be,
For those wandering,
Are landless pleas,
For a timeless release,
Yet akin to a sweet song,
Escaping from the chinks!

And sits there, a ruly bird,
Caged, though... not meant to be... ~

~ Chust labaada ana ka, mere rabb ko akharta hai,
Wo' kamra bata, rooh par se, jahan ye utarta hai. ~

~ Tanhayii meri, iss qadar, tanha na thi,
Teri zaat se, jab tak, ye aashna na thi! ~

~ यह ओस,
मेरे कितने ही,
अनछुए पहलूओं,
की गवाह बनी है,
हर सुबह। ~

~ Your skin emanates petrichor,
What magic is your dark face! ~

~ Loneliness,
Amidst this chaos,
Is being worst to me,
In all its genteel servings.

So much,
Ricochets off my presence,
And into this throng,
But not an ounce of it,
Gets absorbed.

I wait,
I wait to be absolved,
From this confinement,
Of forced belonging-ness,
To the clean crowd of catapults.

I am not a stone... ~

~ I,
Want,
This something,
To die in me.

Or kill me,
Before I am mad.

And let silence,
Sit beside my grave,
Mourning, with heavy head.

But not let love and trust,
Come all the way,
Across the graveyard,
To smirk and say, 'rightly dead,
Rightly dead!'

How much more a dead can die?
Or a little less... ~

~ We may have come closer,
Or humoring destiny's will,
Went a little away.
Your road may never,
Coincide with mine,
And my departure on you,
Was too keen and hard,
Or you must be the one,
I'll carry forever in my life & heart.
Too much a stranger,
Than its ancestors were ever,
This year is so peculiar,
Queer, mad, sensual, forlorn!
And we are entering another year,
Yet again together... near or far... ~

There is a place where the sidewalk ends

1.   And to the boulevard, enormity, it lends!

2.   Scented air, to her balcony, he sends!

3.   And the road to your house there bends!

4.   A vacuum to the chaotic street, it appends!

5.   Those flower beds, every night, moon upends!

6.   Unto there, for her sleeping heart,

He would run a few silent errands!

7.   Her queer need, to his wickedness, it tends!

8.   She couldn’t speak while he waltzed with other women,

Yes, they are closest friends!

9.   China plate splatters every night,

And until dawn, heart she mends!

10.               Look into my eyes,

Into your brown,

So easily my hazel,

Blends! 

~ मैं किससे बोलूँ कि मैं क्यौं बेचैन हूं,
मैं किसपे खोलूँ खुद के पथराजाने का सबब। ~

~ Tujhse tujh tak mehdood rahi main,
Khudse khud par namrood hui main.

Mehdood - confined/bound
Namrood – tyrant ~

~ Meri chaah'at ko,
Ravaan maayne mil jate,
Ye zaroori toh,
Nahin tha;
Adhoore chaand sa woh,
Har beeti shab,
Meri aadhi kheedki,
Ka hi tha.

Kasm'saati khushboo,
Sookhte phool ka,
Daaman chorh,
Safh'on ki uss roz hui thi;
Unkahi baat,
Guzarti raat,
Dhoop si muhabbat,
Kitni akeli si rahi thi.

Pyaasi mitti,
Ke tapte rukh par,
Theen bars'ti boonden,
Bas zara zara;
Aur hoon uss hi ke liye,
Aaj ki shaam,
Be'hisaab,
Main sondhi si. ~

~ Apne wajood pe mujhe yun rona aaya,
Ho kar bhi... mujhe, jab hona na aaya! ~

~ Phukti hun roz-roz badalti tawajjo ki aanch mein,
Aur dil-azari wahi rehti hai, jaise ke waseela tum! ~

~ Har asliyat se main waaqif hun,

Bas aankhe hi toh moondi hain! ~

~ Raaz e ulfat, raaz e wafa;

Bepardah hui ulfat, sharamsar hai wafa! ~

~ I feel bare without my secrets;
I’ll wear some new ones, pretty soon! ~

~ FAREWELL ~

My words…

They don’t sit with me,

Any longer.

I have no one,

To talk to now.

I cannot hear them,

Either.

Maybe, they too can’t!

I don’t even see them,

As if,

They left, or were never around.

I espied them,

Following your trail,

In the dark,

Of the previous night.

Do you have them,

With you, safe and sound?

My words…

Do they talk to you?

They don’t to me,

Any longer!

My words…

They were never mine!

~ Hawa ki taseer se,

Shiddaten zaya ho jaya karti thin;

Yun kar,

Muhabbat dabi rahi,

Zakhm dhake rahe!

Muntazir nigahen,

Aur ye jism… donon hi,

Ab nasoor hue hain …

Inhe khaak hone doon?

Inhe khaak ho jaane doon … ~

~ Khudee se baahar niklen,
Ki ye duniya bohot badi hai! ~

~ Labon ko choo lene ki,
Khawaaish liye...
Seene mein dafan,
Wo jo kuch alfaaz,
Ghut ghut ke,
Mar jaate hain.
Aur,
Unki paini nighaaon ki,
Talkhiyan chakh...
Farsh pe girr ke,
Baki rahe kuch alfaaz,
Machalte... aur
Mar jaate hain.

Wo bas qat'l karna jaante hain,
Aise bhi... aur waise bhi... ~

~ Khud se khud ki dooriyon ne,
Daayre kis qadar samet liye!

I want to let it go,
I haven't met myself for days ... ~

~ Pain droned on and on;

And thus was told,
SHe is gone! ~

~ Unki berukhi, bemurawati ko humne kis qadar taala;
Aur iss dafa, unhone, khushi ka bais hi badal daala! ~

~ Soorat e haal aisa hai ki,

Bas ab haal na poochen! ~

~ Husn-e-Awaargi mubtala raha,

Aur Ishq ne, nazren pher leen! ~

~ Nahin, bheed mein, kahin nahin hoon main;
Bheed si, bas zara laapata rahin hoon main!

Chupi baithi hoon, khud se, tumse aur usse;
Milun na jahaan, milti bas wahin hoon main! ~

~ Rozana,

Hum-kalam,

Hote ho,

Rumi ke Ishq se;

Aisi sarmasti,

Mein tum ho.

Ye kaun hai,

Jo hosh mein,

Bekhudi,

Aur lafzon mein,

Larzan,

Chorh jaata hai? ~

~ Asal mein,
Ek waqt tha,
Jab umeed ke,
Garbh mein aa thehri,
Wo udaasi thi…

Aadaton mein betarteebi,
Uljhanon mein behisaabi thi…

Gussa tha,
Beinteha shor tha,
Aur mayoosi thi!

Phir… ek khala reh gayi,
Aur khala si hi khamoshi!

Qissa yun asaani se, mera, khatam hua,
Rooh ka jaise qabz hona,
Bas sannata aur sukoon,
Gehri duniyabi takleef ke baad… ~

~ Daali hai wo', gham se ladhi hui;
Bas aaj tu, usse, jhanjhor de… ~

~ Yaqeen si hoon… main yaqeen hi hoon;
Nahin judna mujhe, jo ab ke tooti hoon! ~

~ I, too, would have written,

Summer Love Songs,

Were my lover not cold! ~

~ When I look back,

I know,

I have destroyed myself,

In the best possible ways! ~

~ Bazaar bohot door hai, jenaab, kaise jaiyega?
Dard se unsiyat aapki, sukoon kaise paiyega? ~

~ Ankhiyonn se nikal, paani hui,

Virah ki raat, roye nindiya mui! ~

~ Iss ke sookh jaane ka darr, mujhe yun sataata hai;

Dhalakta ek qatra, gaal pe, daastaan likh jata hai!

Ladkhada rahin hoon toh hi mutmaeen hoon main;
Mujhe, khud ke sambhal jaane se, khauf aata hai!

I am anxious lest it should dry up,

For on the cheek, a rolling tear, writes a story!

My faltering steps please me so much,

For now I am scared of as-if-on-stilts walk! ~

~ रंग रोग़न और पक्की मरमत के नीचे,
कई परतों में, उधड़ी सी, मिलती हूँ मैं!

Rang roghan aur pakki maramat ke neeche,
Kayi paraton mein, udhdi si, milti hoon main!

Enshrouded in gloss, paint and repair,

Ragged, in many layers, I am found! ~

~ I cannot discern,

If to see someone,

Preparing grave,

For a fresh arrival,

Was a good idea.

I think of mine — now — so often.

Am I ready to die yet?

A search blooms in me,

Every morning,

Only to wither — and die,

With every night.

I have just started,

Am I already there?

I again cannot discern … ~

~ Raat ki maslan mein pala,
Din ki dhoop mein badha,
Ek intezaar bas intezaar raha …
Phir din tapa, aur pighalta gaya,
Uude geele aasman se, tapakta gaya,
Ashk sa … kin kin sooraton mein baha …

Ek intezaar … bas intezaar raha!

Khair, ab usko koi intezaar nahin,

'Ta'umar ki mehroomi' keh ke bulata hai,
Aur palat ke uska jawab, yahi aata hai —
Ki main kisi ka talabgaar nahin,
Main ab intezaar nahin,
Main ab intezaar nahin … ~

~ Chaandbali in my ear;
Stunning Firoza sitting,
On my shy little finger;
Neckline made recondite,
By a necklace such precise.

And I have nothing in have-it-all!

Only until I have not,
Let my hungry soul feed,
On the breathing old love,
I cocooned into my heart.

Not a dead precious stone — I —
Couldn’t brighten thus in banal light! ~

~ No, I can not chronicle my labor so far;

My bones pain at this bent of the road!

Nahin, ab khud se hi bayan na hogi,

Intiha'i shiddat, khud ki aur thak’n ki! ~

~ Daastan ye bhi reh gayi Unkahi,

Zindagi... tujhpe Main udhar rahi! ~

~ Garq hui hoon dil-fareb ek zinda khawaab mein;

Aur kinaara nahin hota, garqaab hone walon ka! ~

~ Waqt sa,

Yun hi guzar jaana,

Tumhara,

Mujhe munasib nahin lagta.

Dil ke kisi intekhaab sa,

Qalmen safed hone aur,

Ankhon ke pathrane tak,

Theher jao na tum, yahin.

Beshak,

Phir tum guzar jaana,

Intezaar,

Banam mayoosi meri ban. ~

~ Wanders,

The brooks-over-beaches soul,

In the dales of paradise.

Entranced,

By the golden, reddening foliage,

Of dancing chinar.

And still,

While chained,

In the swirls of Jhelum,

And Saffron whirls,

Let her body sleep at home. ~

~ Gard e rahguzar, joode mein apne, yun lapet leti hoon;
Humraah ki tangi mein, raaston ko hi, samet leti hoon!

गर्द-ए-राहगुज़र, जूड़े में अपने, यूं लपेट लेती हूँ
हमराह की तंगी में, रास्तों को ही, समेट लेती हूँ! ~

~ Break me not,
When I am Brittle.

In a sleep so deep,
Perforated my bones,
And made skin weep,
Northern wind's horns.

Assailed me, while,
I was on the Mend. ~

~ I feel,
Looted ...
And now e m pt y. ~

~ Hasraton ki shokh aanch pe, mera Ishq kabse pak raha;
Ek poru, ungli se chakh, Saahib, zara zaaiqa batayenge? ~

~ Hawaaleh se mere safarnama ke, do hi baaten zaahir huin;

Jaane ki khushi bhi kis qadar thi, aur ab aane ki jaldi hai! ~

~ Tumhare neele kurte ke daaman ki maslan mein,
Kal raat, apne maathe ki saari shikan, bhool aayi! ~

~ Aapki muskurahat ki dhoop mein,
Nam ankhen apni, sukha loon aaj! ~

~ Saaf shafaaq peshaani pe,

Siyah badal, pashemaan se

Naazuk jhurriyon mein jhoolta,

Samajh ka bhari wazan

Laparwah hansti ankhon ke kareeb,

Sui se paini lakheeren

Meethi khushi main ubhar aana,

Dherr namkeen aansuon ka …

Kuch be’hadd makhsoos jeene ke dhang,

Har wajah se bas la’talluq reh jaate hain.

Ek aisi hi be’wajah ki,

Be’panah wajah bana hai koi,

Lambe arse se! ~

~ Woh baat'ta hai khud ko, shauk se, unmein aur inmein;
Tukde apne, yahan wahan se, main kab tak bataurun! ~

~ Clouded,

Shrouded in dashes,

And some question marks,

I never was a lost sailor.

And now — I am,

Yes, I am but not at sea,

Looking for new lands;

I just want to make my way

Back home!

It is getting dark & late … ~

~ Beyond her closed eyelids,

A pain stays awake, all night! ~

~ Ek raat ne doosri raat ke, kaan mein kaha;

Guzarna maine chorh diya, intezaar mein! ~

~ Tu mera nahin, aur paas nahin, main mutmaiin rehti hoon yun;

Ek iss khuraak par, pal barhh rahi hai, Ishq e Haqeeqi ki hadd! ~

~ Paaniyon mein mere, pankh apne bhigoye they tu ne, pichli sardi;

Kinaron par uga hai phir, mausam wahi dhund aur parindon wala! ~

~ Zindagi ke bistar par, raaten meri, sote se jaagi si hain,
Ek mukammal neend ke liye, main tere paas hi aaungi! ~

~ Teri kameez ka rang, meri ankhon se, kitna milta tha;
Baatenn teri, apni zubaan par, jab main rakh leti thi!

*** Zaahiri maayne - Sitting across you, inclined. Listening intently and repeating your words, when you appear in my eyes. ~

~ You lie,
Of any color,
And I turn black! ~

~ Periphery
Of the reality,
Is deluded,
By the dream
Bewitching my sleep!

I witness the haze,
Sitting astride on the
Wall - trespassed
By dream pervasive,
Engaging my yesterday!

Senses,
Went to and fro,
In a flawless rhyme
With the deluging symphony,
I heard every night!

Bewildered
Is the awakened today,
Failing to pry open ...
And let escape,
As a dream should, but alas! ~

~ Every morning,
I walk across,
The road,
Where sits,
Elegantly, a house ...

The house,
Has an old tree
Of Night-Jasmine (harsingar).
Its boughs laden with,
Off-white flowers on orange stems ...

Beyond the wall,
Of bright green hedge,
Stealing a glance, I walk across,
And the flowers doze off,
On the fresh bed of sodden mud ...

Inhaling deeply,
The sweetest fragrance,
Redolent of the childhood
When we too had one,
Standing in the corner of our lawn ...

I move on,
Though longing,
To gather the fallen flowers,
In my hand and run into the house,
Where little joys and fragrant flowers ...

Were not redundant! ~