Tuesday, 16 December 2014

~ i am smiling ~

I wasn’t writing anything, to sit discussing on the yesterday’s butchery, not that I did not wish to, but because no word can ever express the magnitude, the graveness of the matter. On the morning news, I saw those parents wailing, weeping, pleading, cursing, parents they were. I tried to visualize the fear and pain those little hearts must have braved before tasting death. I cried, ‘just’ silently cried.
I still wouldn’t express grief, condemn, or wish for any change in the coming days, for it seems a distant dream now. I just want and wish them to burn in hell for every innocent drop of blood they have shed. Let they be damned for ever and ever. Aameen.

~ i am smiling ~
for i have been earnestly told,
that i am safe in my warm, cosy home …
i am smiling,
for i have not been teased, dragged in dark,
gnawed at my flesh, molested, or raped,
my entrails, not yet fisted by some cannibal,
my feminity smiles, spared from being mutilated,
rod-stirred, object-stuffed, or wickedly gagged …
i am smiling,
for my child is so safely tucked,
with lovely, fancy bed time stories, in his bed
and no bullet or explosive, anywhere, is intended,
to buck my willfully sense-secured white hedge …
i am smiling,
for i have a movie to go to this weekend,
with my man without a feigning beard,
who is innocent of any wrong prosecutions,
a muslim, with a guiltless soul and chart …
i am smiling,
for i have condemned all the ‘aforesaid’ acts,
through li’l poems, one-liners, silence and spats,
and culled a tad attention towards my big heart,
making one responsible living thing of me, haven’t i?
i am smiling,
for humanity is just not at stake, or at test of time,
but already in dearth, in a dark pit, a cul-de-sac
with its both hands resting in its lap, and a smile,
limping thin legs, pitched in one slaughter-house,
that bears a neon billboard—‘barbarian to the core’ …
i am smiling,
for carnage, massacre, bloodbath, manslaughter,
not exposed to the enactment of any of these words,
i am so safe, so contended for not being one of ‘those’
though i condemn and express my grief, much duly …
i am smiling,
and will smile, for i was gifted as such by my God,
when i was born, i henceforth resolved to only smile,
till ………………………………………………
well … i was never sure … are you smiling anymore?

PS – ‘i’ stands for how diminutive we get, we feel, at the advent of such mishaps.

~ Wotta Mess? ~

~ Wotta Mess? ~
Mind you,
She’d never whine
A regaling, richly scarlet nubile,
Singing balmy hymns,
In husky mermaid voice,
To her thalassic countrymen!
Façade real, regal, a ripened tomato,
Busiest in a subconscious, subfuscous temp,
Caught in between those lousily eager fingers,
When bred in uncertainty, is squashed,
It chuckles,
But still wouldn’t whine,
Just humming and weaving songs of hope into drones of despair …
Dripping seedy, murky red,
To dapple your satin white frock or tweed cream coat,
Before giving up on its fine, seamless, delicate skin,
And, leaving you into an amusing but precisely precious mess!
‘Ou! Wotta mess!’ now you whine!
Ah dear! Life is just like that …

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

~ I wait for you! ~

~ Unexpected wouldn’t dread me, but that already occurred, happened, seen as a reality in my hind-mind, something I foresee would. There lies my greatest fear of it someday gaining under its wobbly feet – no more boggy but a resolute ground! ~

~ I wait for you! ~
Furred fear,
Canines dug deep,
Feeding on my soul’s sickled tallow,
Skew ridden,
A louse, happily homing in my nightmares’ hair …
Hounded me, since it alighted,
On the branches of our ever-so-innocent dalliance,
Dated a fresh life …
Our lives teaseled, tasseled, tousled as one
And yes today … it came so alive,
To take you away,
Clutched in its raw gnaw … held tight
And now, when you’re just so far, so away,
Like a piece of my heart has gone missing—
Though amazingly, I live still,
Heartbeats thoughtlessly bundled into one toilsome sheaf—
I sit amused at the remainder of my heart,
A laconic denuded alcove—
Where waits one last message to you,
To remain sadly forever like that,

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

~ She was Lost! ~

Uljhi hoon yun tujh mein,
Ki suljhan se koson door hui …  

~ She was Lost! ~
Never knowing,
Where to go,
Egged on by her stifling urge,
She kept walking, walking down the road …
And now,
Ending up in here … where?
Not cognizing,
The faceless echoing directions,
Those tantalized by her blanch presence,
In their foreboding womb …
Where is she right now?
Flustered by her quarrelling, homeless thoughts,
She swallowed hard,
A plunge to be decided upon … to keep moving on?
For she, too, knew this and swore by her heart,
Those, with a beginning meek,
Are just simply forever lost!
Thus, she kept walking, walking down the road …


Tuesday, 2 December 2014

~ O’ Sleep! ~

~ O’ Sleep! ~
Seem to have passed,
Since I saw him last …
O’ Sleep! I beseech thee!
Embrace me,
In your shadowy arms
Engulf me,
Licking all my rosy charm,
Turn me slowly,
Into a pale memory of my own
Let my heart be incarcerated with his,
In a fancy, heavenly crystalline jar …
O’ Sleep! Take me to the same bewitching place,
Where water did never splash,
But went deep, deep and calm, and so lucid blue,
Where, he and I, twined in some pretty, misty lure,
Were walking towards the cherub-faced death,  
With placid, tidy steps …
O’ Sleep! Stay heedful but,
Wary of the nameless hand, so willing to draw me out,
From your enchanting, sopping trance …
O’ Sleep! Let none rouse you!
Let none pluck me!
For I wish to join him,
Just once … only this time!

Sunday, 30 November 2014

~ O’ Lost One! ~

~ O’ Lost One! ~
With the neat Sun,
Sans any spilling light, sinking deeper,
In its comfy bountifully crimson hem,
When the wait has generously kissed me poison,
Just below the neckline,
Where I used to succinctly wear thy glassy wings …
I’m setting out, yet again,
To search for thee,
The biggest, prettiest, glinting chunk of me,
That has gone missing,
Since, I’d say, forty wallowing fortnights …
And, for being an absolute, dissolute,
Narcissus seed,
Somehow … indirectly … vaguely
I could always sense it,
Even without drawing (scrawling) a family tree,
With an extra-light tip pencil,
Perhaps a fruit-skinned toy-akin eraser, too …
And, though not dismounting the modesty,
To lean against the deserted wall (page),
Never redoing the snappy (in tiff) branches,
Convincingly … I, too, am fond of my pond image!
Thence … so much that I love every bit of mine,
It’s critical thou shalt see, to find myself,
I must find thee,
Hence, tell me, O’ Lost One …
Where art thou?

Thursday, 27 November 2014

~ Forbidden Fruit ~

~ Forbidden Fruit ~
Growing on a deep-seated tree named ‘Scarlet Follies’ …
Suspended between the two branches,
A swag, torn n’ shabby,
Hindering, prohibiting to what?
Weary ghost of a pale past,
Lips those of a faded rose,
Reclining on a stone-carved cold pew,
Erstwhile flesh and bone, and now?
Just a recurring,
Presumptuously afresh thought,
About to lend a jaded jacketed soul,
To what is coming,
Abstract, obscure,
Even unknown to the radical bones …
Future? Aye! Aye!
They call it future,
Whistling, strolling, wasting,
With an age old leafless twig in hand,
On the same worn-out trail …
Raison d'être?
A lifeless existence, never prefixed by a reason, any cause …
Greatest fools would those be,
Too timid … to challenge what is,
Looking beyond what ought to be,
Into the colossal uncertainties of bequeathed facts …
That place is addressed as …
Illumination … a revelation …
An enlightened sight … a ruby precious life!

Monday, 17 November 2014

Iridescent Poesies ...

~~ Ek chalni, bareek si,
 Nafaasat ki,
 Nazaakat ki ...
 Chaana usse khayaalon ko,
 Chaana maine alfaazon ko,
 Chun-chun ke they maine,
 Jazbaat piroye,
 Haruf sajaaye panne pe,
 Nukte si ek hansi lagayi,
 Dabdaba ke nam palkhon ko
 Kuch ansu chupaye,
 Kuch darr bhi dabaye
 Halaq main atki barson se,
 Uss becheni ko bhi,
 Gatak liya bin paani ke ...
 Kapda maar ke dhool hatayi,
 Sab kuch naya kiya ...
 Phir jo nikhra,
 Phir jo nikla,
 Doosre chor ... tumhare orr,
 Wo' main na thi,
 Wo' main na thi! ~~

~ 'False Hope'
Is the viciousest,
Of all venoms,
Those ever known
To men, and their kinds ...
Do not let/make
Sip it deep n' whole
In the name
Of you, and the untold tale
What your shy eyes,
Veiled behind the half-open lids,
And silenced tongue,
In them sagaciously,
So hold!
Note:- A word to the wise and to the wisest of all, as I know. ~

~ I am,
Neither here,
Nor there!
A tiny step, little back
From this spring yard
Thus I’d take,
And wait!
Longingly long enough
Would just wait,
For you
To cross over to my wintery side,
When cherry-blooms blossom under the clear rain
Or call me to the lovely leafy falls,
Biding by the retreating green of rich meadows
Alongside your timber barn and cozy hayfields
To kiss me back my summer,
And Embrace! ~

~ I gave,
And never got back
All the warmth, in my skin, I had …
Lessening every second
My heart shriveled,
Unwelcomed shrills,
Mouth to mouth — suffocating,
Kissed my numb spine
A raw rusty coldness,
Of steel left outside in rainy night
Clutched and squeezed,
The bits of life left in me,
And thus … too sick and tired of waiting,
For the warmth of your lips on my skin so iced,
I died! ~

~ He captivates her
He then liberates her
He, a rich rain trickling down her naked spine
In his big wild eyes,
She sees a beginning
A beginning, the shore, the sea, the moon, the noon
The cloudless sky, her tresses, kissing the unknown,
A hazy morning, a dewy beginning
A lovely beginning thus, of no end! ~

~ I’ve
Known of none,
Whose easy long fingers,
Can strip my tumulus fears,
Touching my comatose soul …
Folding my tepid feathers,
Bare I stand,
With skin so moist,
Of perspiring emotions
As dewdrops, and sighs,
For your fine hazel eyes,
To flatteringly absorb, again …
Come, touch me
With your incisive warm gaze,
Honed so dark
Deeply dull
Every twitch, twist n’ curl
As my soul moves
Into one blurry but fulfilling trance! ~

~ And I seek thee, again
Here I beseech thee, my pain

Bitter separation, I embraced
Away from thee, when I paced 
But the acute gash of being lonely
Fetches reminiscences of ye only

So, I seek thee, again
Here I beseech thee, my pain … ~

~ Lest such a grief,
Overwhelmed, twirling in dance of joy
An aloof feeble leaf,
On the autumn’s twig, bereft and coy
Comes then a thief,
With big wild eyes, and a virgin ploy
A dance thus so brief,
My wind, to thee, I shall play a toy! ~

~ Ecstasy,
An escape …
From you, from self
Do I covet?
Swathed in wild exaltation,
Of love,
Also of lust,
Hard to be found,
Living in the womb of an isle green,
Amidst solitude, and solace,
Clear water, bubbling in face,
And only sighs echoing loud
Loneliness to celebrate …
And then … even then,
Comprehending would demand years,
Dear! ~

~She lied,
He sighed,
She sighed,
He smiled,
She loved,
He heaved,
She smiled,
He thrived,
She died,
He followed,
He lies where she lies … now … ~

~ Of all the things seen,
Thee seem to be at the core,
Of what my eyes doth behold,
The finest,
The most beautiful …
Thirty-three ways of loving, and to endure,
They say,
Maketh thou,
In bountiful …
Graced I am,
Glorified get my days in thy wait,
And the nights, those spent with thou …
Still, the womb of uncertainty, I feel, getting onerous, cloudy,
Yanking me out of my pleasurable reverie,
And the fear of losing the ‘least of thee’,
I ‘may have’ as ‘mine’ …
Why did not thou ever loveth me?
Doth not I allure ye, Mon chéri? ~

~ Phir milenge kisi roz,
Ban ke ajnabee …
Wabaast'gi main dhoondungi,
Tab talak tum haal daryaft kar lena …

Saansen Muhabbat ki,
Fakat bahane se chalti hain …
Ungli pe jab lipte, sira dupatte ka,
Tum … dobaara se … izhaar kar lena …

Asal Muhabbat, usse panap'ti,
Becheni, woh hi pehchani si talab,
Waqt'i fitoor nahin hoti ……
Kyon, haina? ~

~ My song,
You heal me,
When I bleed,
You peel me,
Of layers unknown, I am ensconced in,
You hark me back,
From all the strange places I’d belong
And thus,
I need you … to find,
And myself …
But you seem to me, a dream from a dream,
Assuaging light from a star, you yourself, but afar,
And, thus, even when I lie beside you,
And you gather to spoon me in your lanky arms,
My knees in perfect harmony with yours,
In a deep numbing embrace, stealthily you glide,
Your pointed nose nudging my ear, a slight,
And our fingers entwined into a serpentine coil,
Two bodies winded, synthesized … into one absolute melody …
I am afraid of touching you,
What if, you vanish?
Although I desire for you,
More than death longs to kiss a life,
Every passing moment,
Each of these days,
Since …………… I saw you, my song! ~

~ Staring,
Unto the falak,
I am losing myself,
To the unknown,
With an aching body,
Mind screaming,
I’ve given myself, one relinquishing tug …
The zaroori, ghair-zaroori ilm my soul has garnered,
During these silent years,
I forsake it, and everything beyond,
For the lack of life left under my rosy skin …
I am finally giving up,
On my patience,
My will to breathe,
My tawakko, and endurance,
For even if I live, I am not alive!
So once more, I gather the remains of my cinders,
To let loose my grip,
And lose my aglow sands to the Nadir’s waft,
To perish this time! I pronounce here!
I die! I die! I die! ~

~ Peel her,
Oh you,
Slowly slowly,
How she loves,
Your cold lips,
On her shivering skin …
Askance she is, just not! ~

~ Salaam arz hai, tauheen e parda na kahen,
Rukh unka, haye, chilman be'imaan ho gaye … ~

~ Ma’love …
Exhumed am I,
From the cold grave,
Held hidden in your chest?
Cemetery, my sanctuary,
The fine soil I was un-ritually but interred,
Nonetheless was,
My home, my only home!
Where should I go, now?
Say ………… Ma’love … ~

~ Ae' zindagi,
 Tu itni kamzarf to' kabhi na thi,
 Ya shayad thi?
 Bas munafiq rahi main hi,
 Khud ke masaayil e halaat ke dauran itni,
 Ki mujh la'parwa'h ko,
 Khabar na rahi! ~

~ Scribbled, doodled, scrawled all over a diary,
Thou are scribed profoundly in my tiniest being,
Love-notes hold the key to creased secrets untold,
Whispers unto me hide those very special dates,
My mind etched with voice of thy touching smell,
How cleverly has fate indented thee on bare me,
The only cue here to the missing presence of thee,
Is thine incurable absence from my life, unwell! ~

~ A regaling nubile,
Singing balmy hymns,
In husky mermaid voice,
Like a ripened tomato,
Caught in between those eager fingers,
When is uncertainly squashed,
It chuckles,
Before leaving you into an amusing mess!
Life is just like that … ~

~ Ugly me! ~
Not a Nightingale although,
Love songs, I crooned,
In your deaf ears,
But, nothing upended …
Thenceforth becoming,
A forgotten quest,
At your behest …
Momentous seclusion,
I conferred upon myself,
Wondering yonder, wandering alone,
And in the weightless wait,
To be unravelled someday …
Yellowed, tattered, algae ridden,
Molded at each leaf's end —
Feigning tautness upright,
Going gooey 'neath —
Such am I, now!

~ Mon Amour … ~
I ain't falling for you, once again …
You, my anon nasty secret,
On my nevertheless unpainted nail tip,
You're my risqué fascination,
My tempestuous satisfaction,
You, an erstwhile passion,
Eve's half-eaten tripping temptation,
My benumbed world's comprehension,
Follies all, Hereforth, unforsaken,
A virgin intention, thence!
Deluge, an unsettling one … Thus, forever …
Oh! Lo! An indulgence!
Everything hence,
Beyond, far beyond, any love-fence!
A tawdry offense?
No! No!
A chaste gilded parchance! You!
Heaven n' hell driven,
Mon amour, word 'love' is a euphemism,
Only to curb subtly, what we hold inside …
So, the next time you ask me,
"Do you love me, still?" steeped in thoughts,
I would say, coning,
"Umm … Love? Simply, simply not!"

Monday, 10 November 2014


Zara zara surkhi si liye,
Palash ke phool,
Hare padte pathar ke chabootare,
Pe bikhri unchooyi dhool,
Chilchilati garmi ki godd mein,
Ithlati, jhoolti, hawa,
Waqt ke wazan se kosonn door …
Chutti ki ghanti si,
Ek mah se bhatakti, deewaron se takrati goonj,
Sookhe, toote patton, danthalon ki gawahi lete,
Soone, khaali, bechen school …
Paeron mein piste, ghiste, riste,
Palash ke peele padte phool,
Tumhare sooti kurte ke daaman ka bheega kona,
Mere maathe se paseene ka sookh jana,
Kuch kuch jaise, barson intezaar ke baad,
Paani ki ek boond ka kunwari dhool ko choo jaana …
Kya itna kam tha,
Meri tarasti rooh ko bhigo jaane ko?
Sihran si taer gayi thi,
Chehre ko nigah bhar, nigah se chooma jab tumne ……
Main bohot, bohot khush hoon, sachi,
Hazar ashron, sau sadiyon baad bhi … haan, shayad aaj bhi ………

~Tumhare intezaar mein,
Sirf tumhari hi!

Friday, 31 October 2014

~ Buoyant, I’d have sailed … ~

~ Buoyant, I’d have sailed … ~
Only if I knew,
Where am I going …
Could have steered my sail’s way,
Propelling thus away,
From the frowning winds,
And the agony stricken sky,
Throwing myself like a heady child,
On the muddy duvet of slapping water,
Face buried deep in the fostering vale of chaos,
Glancing sideways, anticipating an answer,
Moving slowly, an unfaltering mast,
Knowing where to halt,
Feeding on the needed capricious strife …
Hunching the keel, a bit lesser than broken?
But, my hull is still not so strong,
Flanked too poorly, a disgrace to my fantasy-sail,
Could I have better slipped into a stubborn wooden cask?
I may have, only if I knew,
Where am I going …
So now … On the last leg of self, I ruminate —
The unforgettable, of my clammy-decked voyage,
Has not been the setting sun, or the rosy moon,
But not finding my way out, when direly needed …
I am still lost, at the disheveled vortex of this calmness,
Sweating cold like a sea-bull’s back,
And, I can only wait,
As I’ve waited, since always …
I know, I’m kindly destined to drown,
Until I cough the bottom-sand out of my clogged mouth,
And say, fiercely rubbing my teary-eyes with the hilt of my white palm,
‘Death, you beautiful menace, come engulf me fast,
For I belong more to none but thee!’